Fear

Let’s talk about fear.

Tonight, I started a writing course that my wife bought for me on Groupon a few months ago. I have been trying to get back into writing properly, so I thought id boot it up and have a go.

The first section is about Genres, and it came up with an interesting point that I had never realised before. When we write we infuse our writing with our own fears as a way to connect with the audience.

Now that I think about it this is something that I have slightly touched on before in the poem I wrote: “Why We Write.” and “Why we Fight

One of the things this module asks you to think about is what scares you, after all, fear is one of the greatest motivators someone could have.

Fear can push you on to greatness or at least to confront things that you normally wouldn’t.

fear

I started thinking about my fears, and one thing popped straight into my mind that I have never really confronted before. My greatest fear is loss.

This may be obvious to others, considering some of the things that I have written in the past, but my greatest fear is losing people that I love.

I have loved and lost people, it’s been hard to deal with, when you lose someone you love it is one of the worst pains that you can experience.

This course that I have started has made me realise that I have already done this when I wrote my Novel.

At its core, it is about loss and preventing losing everything and one man’s fight to save the last person he loves so that he doesn’t lose her as well, using wits, inner strength and mighty determintaion

My personal fears have already been influencing my writing without me even realising it.

I have other fears, I’m afraid of heights and I am terrified of needles but at the end of the day Loss is my biggest fear.

One of my other biggest fears has always been losing control of myself and hurting someone unintentionally.

I was in a relationship with someone, and I told her this, and it scared her she thought that I meant that I would get angry with her and hurt her. It almost ended the relationship and that hurt, I am not that person.

I explained to her what I actually meant, and it made us closer and deepened our relationship as I had never told anyone this before, it was hard for me to talk about but she helped me deal with this fear.

This fear all stems from a dream I had many, many years ago and to this day I can still remember and visualise it so clearly it seems real. It’s got to that point in my memory where if it pops up randomly in my mind I have to take a moment to remember that it wasn’t real.

If you don’t know I am a big guy, I am 6ft6 with a big build, and I don’t know my own strength, let me put it this way when I was at the gym on the leg press I could comfortably lift half a ton. I could probably do more, but I’ve never pushed it that far.

So, it’s safe to say that I can handle myself, and I have a lot of self-control, I have been in a few fights in my life, and I have won most of them, I am not a violent person by nature, but I can put an end to most things. But as I said I have a lot of self-control, and I have never actually hit anyone with my full strength, I always pull my punches, even when training at the gym with gloves and pads I pull them I can’t help it.

Anyway, back to the dream. I was out with a friend of mine, in the dream that is, and we were attacked there was a guy trying to, let’s just say, “assault” her, so I lost control, attacked the guy beat the ever-living shit out of him. In the process, she tried to stop me, and in my rage, I batted her away with my arm throwing her against the wall and killing her.

So that one dream has haunted me for years and was one of my biggest fears.

Which basically boils down to the same thing as before, Loss. In that case, loss caused by me, by my actions, my actions caused me to hurt and lose someone.

So that’s the biggest fear of my life Loss.

I have lost a lot in my life, friends, family and love.

But I still live in fear of the next big loss of my life.

So I’ll write about it.

I will incorporate it into my stories and who knows I may ever write it into another novel if I get the right idea.

 

So, what about you?

What’s your biggest fears? And have you used it in your writing?

I’d love to hear what you think

12 responses to “Fear

  1. Pingback: Author Interview – Jenna Greene – “Heroine”, “Imagine” and “Reality” (Young Adult Fantasy) | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)·

  2. Ahhh fear. I was just waking up quietly, catching on your blog (I didn’t read much of anybody’s writing since I left Montréal 3 weeks ago) and now you’ve got me thinking, Giant. What do I fear? I must be in denial, because sitting back and thinking, I couldn’t put my finger on one really deep fear. I’ll have to work on that… Today’s assignment: find my fear! I’ll get back to you 🙂 And thanks for the thought provoking post 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting for me to come across this. I had a long conversation with my best friend this morning. He says I use fear to protect myself. That I stay in my fear. I honestly don’t know how to let go of my fears. What does that look like? I’m an incredibly fearful person. The thought of even giving those fears, which have been my comfortable blanket for over 40 years, causes terror to grip my heart. Loss of safety. Fear of loss. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failing and not being able to rise up again. Fear of not being Seen for who I really am. Fear of being alone, really alone, spiritually I guess. Fear of losing control. Fear Fear Fear. I sometimes trick myself into thinking my fear makes me stronger, but let’s be honest, it really makes us weaker. So. How to release the fear? How to step out in faith and move on? I don’t know, Colin. But I wish I did.

    Thank you for writing this. I needed to hear it.

    Like

    • See for me it is fear OF being seen for who I really am. That’s what scares me.

      I’m glad that you found this ramble helpful but I can’t take the credit. It was from a writing course I got the thought.
      Its not good to wrap yourself in fear eventually you have to face it.
      People who say they have no fear are talking shit.
      Fear is natural you just can’t let it control you
      Thats why I put it in my writing

      Liked by 1 person

        • The real me is a very messed up person, it leaks through on here because no one I know in person knows about this blog.
          The messed up side is not the side of me I want people to think about. I’m the one everyone turns to and leans on. I can’t be that for them if they know how messed up I am.

          Liked by 1 person

          • We’re all messed up, in our own ways. This could be the safest place for you to be truly seen, without outward appearances or known histories to muck up opinions. Let that darkness out of you. You can’t allow it to fester. Sooner or later it will consume you or expose. Let the Light of Truth shine in on dark places.

            For instance, when I am suicidal, I tell my best friend. Then I follow my spiraling thoughts down. I allow myself to imagine every step of what I want to do. I force myself to envision it with detail. To continue past the time I walk this world, to the after affects of those around me. It’s sobering. It’s Light. It’s not the answer, I know. Sometimes I need a reminder.

            I’m not sure exactly what it is about you that causes you to define yourself as “messed up”. If you are, well, let those who care about and know you help you. To pick up the pieces. To open old wounds and clean them so that they may heal properly. (It hurts, I know.) Be vulnerable. It’s scary, but worth it.

            Liked by 1 person

            • If you read further back on here there are a few posts where I let my dark side out. Especially in some of the poems.
              Its great that you have someone you can talk to in times like that it’s not easy.
              As for me being messed up that’s a long long story.

              Liked by 1 person

            • I don’t really talk to him about it. But I let him know in case I succumb to it again. Then he can check in with me later in the day to make sure I worked through it. It’s my checks-and-balances.

              Liked by 1 person

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