Tales from the Call Centre (Commenters Edition)

A while ago I put out a request for stories from anyone who has worked in customer service and Cyranny was kind enough to send me about ten common traits so here they are for your enjoyment.

monkey-headset

Colin started this a little while back, and I was looking for my best call centre stories…

Having worked in various call centres in many different fields, I have stopped thinking “now, I’ve seen it all”. I believe that it is a form of wisdom that you’re given when you’ve proved the Call Center Gods you are crazy enough to work in one and not completely lose your mind. Unless you sell it to the Devil, but that’s your business. I still hold on to mine, no matter how much I would like to know the next winning numbers at the lottery, or how much I’d give to be Mrs Mads Mikkelsen!

So… I was looking for a good story for Colin. I know I have many that would do the trick, but the ones that came to mind weren’t as funny once translated (yes, I work mostly in French…).

And then it popped! A top ten is always a good way to entertain people, and here’s

 

Cyranny’s Top ten

If I haven’t heard that one 100 times, I have never heard it before!

 

(I feel like David Letterman… just a lot younger, more feminine and a lot less wealthy)

 

In no particular order;

  1. “I don’t understand. It was working fine yesterday when I left the store… And now it just won’t work anymore!” Well, you know what? Machines break. (also works in the medical field, and in that case… People get sick. They just do!)
  2. “Hi, I just have a little question… My terminal is broken,” Sorry, I wouldn’t want to argue, but technically, this is not a question.
  3. “Hi, my printer won’t print anymore!Me – Are you near the machine? Retailer – No!”  Do you bring your car to the mechanic, when you need it fixed? Yeah? Well please stay close to whatever’s broken. My guess is that no matter what technical support you call, there will be tests involved.
  4. 7.“Me – We are the technical support, Madam. I do not have access to your bills and your selling reports. Retailer – Yeah but I couldn’t reach anyone at the other number!”  Please tell me you also call to your vet when there is no answer at the pizzeria… And insist he delivers a meal to your door!!
  5. “Woah! You’re open? On Christmas night? That sucks!!” First, why are you calling if you thought we were closed? Second… Thanks for reminding me how it sucks, I had almost forgotten!
  6. “Can’t you hurry to fix this?? I’m losing sales, you know??” Well technically, the company I work for is losing more money than you do, because you only get a small % of the price of the lottery tickets. So “we” are losing money. And do not worry, I am working as fast as possible, but getting your call every 15 minutes for an update isn’t easing things up!
  7. “The jackpot is at XX Millions…” Whuuuuuut? Why didn’t anybody tell me before??? That’s why all those other retailers were eager to get their terminals fixed!!
  8. “*Sighs loudly* I have clients…” Ok. But why the sighing… You called me!
  9. “*Sighs loudly* Yeah… it works now!” You know what? I am really sorry I fixed your problem over the phone… Saving you from having to wait a couple of hours for a technician. Really sorry. Next time, let’s hope I’ll fail!
  10. “Me – Do you know where the filter is, on your terminal? Retailer – Yes. Me – Take it out of the machine, please. Retailer – Hmmmm.”   When I ask a question, there is no “bad” answer. I am not testing your intelligence. You are not playing to win anything… Why all the lying? You don’t know where that filter is, just tell me. I will not laugh at you…
    *Snort* Ok… I’ll try not to….  😉

 

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