What the fuck is wrong with me?

I have fucking only just gone and done it again.

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Every time, every single god-forsaken fucking time, I think I’m moving away from what tortures my very soul, I have to fucking go and look at certain things and it just fucking throws me straight back to square fucking one.

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RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?

I cant fucking help myself.

FUCK, FUCK, FUCKITY, FUCK!

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I AM SUCH A FUCKING MORON, JUST MOVE ON ALREADY WHY THE FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU TORTURING YOURSELF???????????????

HONESTLY, MY FUCKING BRAIN HATES ME.

It is like it actively goes out of its way to drive me fucking round the bend and to just plain torture me.

Why can’t I let go? Why can’t I move on?

I am so fucking angry with myself right now, but I can’t fucking stop myself.

Honestly, someone should just fucking shoot me in the brain to remove those got damn ideas, thoughts and moronic fucking actions.

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Just Fucking Shoot me.

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13 responses to “What the fuck is wrong with me?

  1. You are not alone in this. I promise. Details are irrelevant. Mankind has had these big, beautiful brains for not very long. It takes our whole lives to learn how to handle them.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Idk what happened but it obviously pissed you off. Don’t beat yourself up Colin, we are human beings we are actually built to go back to the things we like especially the wrong ones. As long as no one died, don’t beat yourself up and avoid stress. Be happy 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks but yeah I’m still beating myself up over it and no one died thanks for the concern it’s just certain things (person) that I can’t stop looking in on from time to time.
      Kind of like the comment I left on your post earlier that you seen about…. Things

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh right. That’s inevitable it’s all about how you control your emotions. You are the dominant of your own body and what happens on it. 😊 I hope you will be better soon.

        Liked by 1 person

          • You know people deal with these stuff differently. I will tell you my story.

            So basically there is this guy. I have actually written about him on my blog and this guy made me feel crazy. He was just a crush but damn, he inspired every single thing I wrote and when I saw him every issue in my life felt solved. We had connected and he was just a lad that came in were I worked from time to time. He had a ring on his finger and I knew I could never have him but when he looked at me all that disappeared. Sometimes I could swear that he had also fallen in love with me, but over the time he stopped coming and I have no other means to communicate with him. I have actually had hope that one day he will come and this time I will tell him how I feel. So that has led to me refusing every other lad thy asks me out because I want him and so I decided for me to move on with my life I would have to let go of him. I wrote a letter as though I was writing it to him telling him how I feel and all that. Since that day I actually feel better. I obviously even wish I could see him at shops or just bump into him but when I feel like that I write a letter to him and tell him. I know he is not going to read it but writing is my best form of therapy. If it helps try it. I can even post one of the letters I wrote to him so maybe it could inspire you 😊

            Liked by 1 person

            • That’s a great idea to do that.
              I’m glad that it helped you, I would love to read something like that and you never know maybe this lad follows your blog 😉 it could start something.
              If you would post it I think it would be a great read. If it’s not to personal.

              When I went through all of that initially I actually did write a letter (email) and I actually sent it. This was the same day that I made the move to step away. I spent about 2 hours crying and then another three writing this email then cried myself to sleep for about 2 weeks after.
              This was me trying to get closure but thinking back on it now it was too raw for it to do any good. Maybe now, years later, it might do me some good.
              Thanks for the great Idea. I think in part when I wrote “letting go, Facing the void” earlier today was me trying to do that. But I never thought about doing it as a letter. It may be a good idea.

              Liked by 1 person

            • I am glad you find it as a good idea, it helped me and it might help you too.

              I will post one now 😊

              Liked by 1 person

            • I have posted it 😊 good night Colin and say goodnight to your baby girl for me

              Like

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