Better

I have been through a lot in my life.

I’ve talked about this on here before but I thought I’d say again to give anyone who may read this who is in a similar situation that there is hope. 

A few years ago I was in very bad way, I hated my life and felt like I was at the end if my rope. My work was killing me with stress.  I was getting no help and the pressure was getting to me to the point that I almost jumped in front of a train. 

I had no emotions in me except for anger I didn’t know what to do. 

It felt like the whole world was against me and that I was holding up the world for everyone else. 

Everyone comes to me for help and advice, I would never turn my back on them because if I can help someone then I will, I still feel the same way. If anyone needs anything from me if it’s on my power to give then I will. 

But who could I turn to? I had no one, I always felt that I couldn’t unload on anyone because I had to be the strong one. I have to be the one to protect everyone even from myself. 

I couldn’t take it much longer and one morning when I was standing on the platform waiting for the train to go to work I got to thinking to myself “I wonder if I jumped in front of that train if it would kill me or not?” since was slowing down to stop I wasn’t sure. This thought went on for a while and everyday I got closer to it. 

Then I got fired from my job at the bank, well they suspended me and I quit. 

After that these thoughts kept getting worse 

Then I met someone who became my best friend in the is world and she saved my life. 

Finally I had someone to talk to and was a release, we talked all the time and I love her. She made me see that there was something in my life worth living for and she convinced me to get help and I started seeing a therapist. 

Unfortunately, life being life, we stopped talking, due to reasons, some people know this story so I won’t go into it again. And it’s not really something I’m comfortable with talking about publicly.  I kept seeing ‘s therapist and I got better. 

A big part of what helped me, apart from my friend was writing, that’s the reason I started writing, to help me through my depression and I got my novel out of it which may soon be published so because of a friend who saved my life I have a chance at my dream career. I named my daughter after her because without her neither me or my daughter would be here. 

So yeah life does get better it’s hard work and you need to put the effort in but it does get better

I’m still not 100%, but then who is? But I’m getting there. 

Thats pretty much all I have just now. 

I would love to hear anyone else’s stories of feeling like this and how you dealt with it.  
via Daily Prompt: Better

6 responses to “Better

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. No matter the way out of your sadness, I’m glad you have a much more positive outlook on life. I had a lot of work stress myself before and ending up dealing with friends who I thought were my good friends but turned out they really weren’t. It’s hard to invest in someone and then get let down later. It’s equally as hard to invest in someone and then when things go south, try so hard to hold on to them for fear there won’t be another. Anyway, I can’t compare too much but as a stranger who reads your posts, I hope your books gets published and all your dreams come true. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for taking the time to read this post.
      Its hard work dealing with everyone else’s problems especially when you have your own but we still do it. Just from what you have said here it seems that we are rather similar so it’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
      I hope you manged to get out of that job and are happier now.
      Never worry about comparing to anyone everyone’s life is hard at time it’s how we deal with it that makes us who we are.
      I got lucky and had help from one of the most honest and loving souls I’ve had the privilege of meeting even if it was only for a short time.
      I hope you find someone like that too

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you. I did manage to leave the job even though it was a tough decision. I’m still not sure where I am now is the right place quite yet, considering I took the job out of desperation from the old one so I still have lots of doubts that it will last long but for now I’m grateful and glad I have a supportive husband.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thats good, I am glad to hear it.
      I know what you mean about not knowing where you are. I feel like that too, i have a daughter who is nearly five months old and i love her more than i thought possible but I personally don’t know who i am anymore, if that makes sense. its a weird one.
      I hope you are doing well though and its good that you have your husband to support you

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I shared a piece today about my history of depression for the daily post: better as well. Thank you. I am glad to know that I wasn’t the only soul in this world who hated their job/life/had fantasies about dying (mine was a tree I picked out on the interstate… I was gonna drive into it or so I would daydream). I will visit again.

    Liked by 1 person

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