My Talent is gone Daily Post: Unravel

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days. For some reason, I seem to have lost whatever minuscule talent I ever had for writing.

I’ve been trying to write something, anything for a few weeks and everything that is coming out is utter trash. I have to try and add about 5000 words onto my book because looking at most publishers’ requirements I’m short by that amount. It’s a daunting task.

 

So whatever I had going for me before seems to have left me and that is a depressing thought. Anything I try seems to unravel after a few paragraphs.

It doesn’t help that I have not got a lot of time, I’m working 60 hours a week just now then going home to see my daughter, and she likes to scream, so I haven’t got the time.

As a way to try and kick start my brain into writing again I spent a few hours on Sunday night going through every single post that I have posted on here, reading everything, and the comments (my god Kira Scribbles and I have had some very bizarre conversations in the comments) to see if I could find my talent but something strange happened.

I didn’t recognise my own work. What I mean by that is that I know the stories, I know what happens in them, and I know the characters.

But I don’t recognise myself in them. The feelings and emotions behind the stories are still there, but I don’t recognise them as being mine. I don’t know if that makes any sense

So in going through all my posts, I hit upon the ones that weren’t stories but about my life and even though I only started doing those about 6 maybe 7 months ago I still don’t recognise myself.

I know life is about change and these last two years I have gone through the biggest changes of my life……

I still feel the same, ok I’m not always angry, and I’m not thinking about killing myself anymore as I have done in the past (I’ve written about this before so won’t go into it again) but I feel the same as I ever have.

Now I have my daughter and wife, but I still feel the same as I did when I was 17, but going back and reading everything I’ve posted in the last 16 months I don’t know who I am.

 

This has only just occurred to me as I’m writing this post. I don’t know who I am anymore.

Is that why I can’t write anymore?

I don’t know where I’m going in life.

I don’t know what I want.

I don’t know how to be happy.

I don’t know how to be me anymore I don’t know who I am

I’m 32 years old, will be 33 in two and a bit months, and I don’t know who I am

 

Well then… That’s slightly disturbing.

 https://youtu.be/3kx7tgkJbjo

via Daily Prompt: Unravel

4 responses to “My Talent is gone Daily Post: Unravel

  1. Maybe its work stress? 60 hours a week is a ton and then on top of that making time to spend with family and trying to write seems to take a bit of a toll and your mind maybe needs a break from routine to get back in the creative flow

    Like

    • exhasted is definetly one word for it.
      i try to sit down and write and i get nothing, but as i said i as rereading all my old posts and i just dont know who i am nymore thats just weird

      Like

  2. Pingback: How I Write – Scottish Legend's Blog·

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