Life is hard.
It’s a simple as that, life is hard.
Recently I’ve had a few rants on here, and yes this is another one, so I apologise in advance for that.
I’ve been having a hard time, work is kicking my ass, I have four moths worth of work to get through in three weeks, and they just keep piling more on top of me. I am working ten hours a day six days a week, and there is no end in sight, and it just keeps getting worse.
It is honestly starting to get to me.
Then I come home to see my family, and my little baby girl does nothing but scream, when I get anywhere near her, it just gets worse.
It is absolutely heartbreaking, she cries, her face is all screwed up, and she has tears streaming. My first instinct is to go to her, pick her up and try to settle her. But as soon as I go anywhere near her it just gets a thousand times worse. It’s killing me.
It feels like I am the problem that it is me that is causing her to feel like this.
It’s killing me every time. I know in my head that it’s not me but not in my heart. She only ever wants to go near her mum, not me.
I love this little girl with my whole heart I have never loved anyone like this in my life, but it is heartbreaking.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. She has started teething, and it is only going to get worse. I don’t know how to deal with the pain it causes.
My mum came in last night, and she managed to settle the little one, I had to nip down to the car to get the cat food, and I went when my mum was leaving she knew that it was getting it me and tried to comfort me but that just didn’t help.
She told me that I am a hundred times better father than my dad ever was. His first instinct when either my sister or I would cry was to leave. He didn’t even try.
I don’t understand this thinking when my daughter is upset I won’t run away I need to try and do something about it, but I can’t.
I’m sitting here writing this, and she is finally sleeping, I feel like breaking down. I don’t know if I can keep up this pace and if I can cope with all of this.
I’ve never been one who sleeps a lot, for the last fourteen years I have survived four to five hours sleep a night and I was functional, I got used to it.
Now I am going to bed earlier and sleeping longer, but I feel so much worse for it, I’m not sleeping well.
I need a break, I don’t know how much longer I can keep going on like this
Life is hard.