Moving on. The future 

I’ve been doing some thinking about my life recently. With all the changes coming up in my life I’ve been thinking about my past. 

I seen this picture and it got me thinking, there is a lot that I’ve been through in the last couple of years it’s been rough and a few very special people came into my life, they helped me to become who I am today. Sadly some of them are no longer in my life and keeping them close to my heart causes pain everyday because I miss them so much. 

 Not being able to let go is a lesson I’ve never been able to learn properly. I can’t let go of the things that get to me because I feel that doing this will also mean that I have to let go of the things that made me happy or that I’ll lose the memories of the good times along with the bad. 

There have been lots of times that this pain I feel has brought me to silent tears because I don’t want others to see how much I’m hurting and I don’t want to worry them or burden them with my issues. 

The other reason is, as says above, I don’t have the words to describe what’s wrong or how I feel so tears are all I have. 

I have thought about this a lot recently as well and I am as yet able to come up with an answer. 

All that being said I’ve been focusing on the future as well and the life changing event that is coming. My daughter. I love this little baby more than anything in my life and she isn’t even here yet. I am completely enraptured by her. God only knows what I’ll be like when I actually hold her 

She is my whole world. I never knew I was capable of feeling this way about anything let alone a part of me. I’ve never been a big fan of myself and the thing of having kids was never for me but now I am so filled with love that I can not put it into words. 

I don’t know why I’m writing this just now other than I needed to let it out. I don’t know if putting this into words will do anything but worth a shot. 

4 responses to “Moving on. The future 

  1. Writing is an outlet, a release and perhaps even a way to put out thoughts and fears into the universe without having to face judgement and ridicule. You are still worried about a lot I see, you are not convinced yet about your own capabilities even though you love is little bundle you are about to hold more than anything. You still doubt because of your passed and because of the loss you have experienced. It’s frightening to think something that carved itself so deep into your heart, bringing the immense pain it did, could happen all over.
    Try to trust whenever you can and do allow yourself some credit here and there. I know you will be fine and your daughter will always be grateful of the wonderful father she will have. Hugs xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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